It wasn’t a long time ago that I was standing on the tube in the morning rush with at least a hundred other people in the same square meter – I clearly remember the awakening mixture of the smell of coffee, mint, perfume and morning frost. Every day looked pretty much the same – occasionally a sweet spontaneity of a quick weekend trip broke the ruthless routine of everyday life and I was one little happy fish in the big ocean of this metropolis called London. Maybe not that happy, but definitely comfortable.
Today, I’m on delicious day 3 into the Swiss life. I feel surprisingly amused – surprising after 3 days of complete misery. I had a five-minute breakdown right after I arrived at the accommodation, and another one coming out of the registration office – I signed those papers as if I had just sold my soul to the devil. In a way, I certainly did, and that devil is called Ego.
Just right when I thought I would feel bored in England – feeling stuck in my life on every possible level – I got pulled out of that comfort zone. What pulled, it rather feels like someone tossed me off a cliff. “Fly!” – yelled Life behind me, and I’ve been moving my arms like a chickling, but of course, I keep falling. I thought I passed this stage when I moved to London, and now here I am again, the same situation with an older heart and a confused mind. The good thing is that I have time to learn how to fly…
The truth is that life in London feels like standing on an extremely busy train station. The trains don’t stop, they just rumble through fast enough so that you can’t climb on – you either jump or you stay on the platform. I feel I was waiting for the perfect train to come for a long time, the one I can jump on, but every time I saw one coming, I was too scared to try. What if I fail and fall on the rails? If I want to keep talking in metaphors: the last few years I dropped all the emotional bags that I carried along and was too heavy to jump with, but I still have one more and that one is filled with Fear. That’s why I am where I am today.