I posted on Instagram about two months ago that I moved back to London and some of you asked what happened and if it’s final. I haven’t talked much about personal things lately because I felt I have to be on the other end of the emotional challenges before I can talk about it with one step removed.
So, the long story short is that this year, in May, I had an opportunity to move to Switzerland indefinitely and as much excited I was about a blank page and new opportunities, I was also very scared to leave my London life behind. I felt I’m not ready to make this move, even though I felt quite stuck in England – my days, weeks, months had a certain routine and even though I wanted to achieve things, I didn’t know the way out of these loops. And it wasn’t only habitual but it was an emotional routine as well. I – probably subconsciously – sought out similar situations, got involved in similar romantic relationships, even though I knew I’m not doing any good to myself. I wanted to break these habits and Switzerland seemed like a good opportunity. The problem was, however, that Switzerland, to me, always seemed like a little bubble in the middle of Europe that I knew only from history class and chocolate advertisements. I was worried about the superficial living, the crazy prices, and people’s attitude – and eventually, these were some of the reasons why I left. Don’t get me wrong, Zurich is a beautiful city, I met amazing people there, but at the end of the day I was overwhelmed by Swiss paperwork and struggled with finances; I also wasn’t passionate about the language and most of the time I felt quite alone.
More often I’ve been alone, though, more I’ve valued my own company – which may sound strange to you, but I’ve struggled with self-esteem problems since a very young age. I got a chance to observe myself in the time of crisis, I got to discover some dark alleys of my mind, which helped me to understand my patterns and fears a little bit more.
Fast forward to the end, after an immense dilemma whether I should move to Spain or England, I moved back to London in November (I haven’t entirely given up on Spain, though!), mostly, because I started having medical problems – which has affected my balance and vision – and doctors could have cost me thousands of Swiss francs. I also figured that two more years in England and I can have an English passport – which can be handy considering the current political situation.
I also realised that London is still the city where things happen. I decided, though, that if I move back, things have to be different. No more 9 to 5 jobs, no more sitting in my room and not socializing and no more dating with people who are not self-aware enough of their emotional issues. So, I took a part-time job and moved to a warehouse on the opposite side of London, full of creative people pursuing their dreams. It’s been two months now and I can say I’m slowly settling in and creating a balance in my life. I’m very much looking forward to 2018 and whatever it will bring to my life. I’m hoping to improve my art skills and hoping to connect with other artists out there, to meet amazing human beings…