It’s a pity so say good night
Because I never saw stars so bright…
The echo of Ella Fitzgerald’s smoky voice fills up the almost empty room as I write my last words as a British resident. I wish I saw the stars tonight, or at least the moon, to guide me through these few hours of sweet solitude that I share with a chilled bottle of beer and my sentimental thoughts.
There is this common knowledge that you get to know the real value of things once you actually lost them – I kept losing things in a metaphorical way almost every day in the last few weeks and I have to say I’ve never been more grateful to experience this feeling. First, because I can remind myself that this is not a real end to many things like friendships or moments – but still emphasised my love for them – and second, because it is a real end to many others.
These are the years that taught me to love the person I am today. I came here lost, not knowing who I am and what I want but ready to take the world in to discover what I have to. I didn’t know about the loss I will have yet, or the path I will walk on all the way back to my childhood, neither did I know about the love that will shake my whole existence. Three and a half years, you would think, so short even in a human’s life, still, it was filled with invaluable lessons.
I remember the moment I got off the train at Victoria station, I just stood there for long minutes amazed by the diversity of this huge metropolis. Stepping into the world of the Unknown with the heart of a small town girl almost swiped me off my feet. I remember the ridiculous grin I walked with on the street while I was trying to drag my suitcases to an address I couldn’t even locate on the map. The tube lines were more tangled than the earphones in my pocket after 16 hours of international travelling, and the first double decker I saw got me clapping like a 5-year-old. I was probably the happiest and the most terrified person in that moment, but I just kept marching into the labyrinth of the royal capital of Europe with such determination that only a person with billions of unanswered questions has.
Throughout the years – before you would be wondering – I barely found any of those answers. But one thing I’ve definitely learnt: how to become comfortable with the feeling of not knowing.
Here I am today, just about to repeat the same adventure, but as a different person. Because moving to a new place will always make you become a different person – more than you’ve been before. You’ll essentially pick up the energy of the surroundings, the people entering your life will be the start to a lot of new stories and the number of “firsts” will be probably more than what you can count. My curiosity is stronger than my fear – and to be honest, the last 3,5 years showed me that I have nothing to be feared of…
…just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me.